novel opening?

I have a crazy surname, with too few vowels for English comfort. When forced to call my name people pause and stand still, with a panicked expression and their mouths twisting silently as if warming up to the challenge. They have three options – they can bravely try to pronounce it, and although they usually start off well, by the end they have speeded up. They are trying to get through the k, the l, the m, and the y’s as fast as possible and have almost made it too, when the final j punches them hard in the face. They tend to finish with a quietly mumbled yet high-speed slur. Sometimes it is almost a pitiful whimper. Or they give up after the first five letters which, after all, look deceptively normal. Another option is to continue standing silent and still, eyes wide and mouth contorting, until I finally feel sorry for them and pronounce the name myself. You can normally tell from the facial confusion that it is your turn. Some days I just feel mean, and wait for them to try anyway. The final option is to just use my first name, my already-anglicised forename. Despite the fact I am Nottingham born and bred, I didn’t start life as a Peter.